Monday, March 15, 2010

Disgusting Lyric of the Day 37: Smells Like Funk by the Black Eyed Peas

“You know we was coming before we entered the door, cause you could smell the rhyme when we was walking down the hall. We bring the funk worse then a wet dog. Stinking like fat ladies shitting out logs. We drop enough shit to keep them toilets clogged. Keep the people jumpin' like them bullfrogs.” – The Black Eyed Peas, Smells Like Funk

The Black Eyed Peas were not joking when they said they wanted to get retarded (in here). They may have overshot how dumb they wanted to get though, because these lyrics seem like the kind of thing a fourth-grade-class-clown-who’s been-held-back-two-years might say when he really wants to bring the heat.

I can’t say I’m surprised to learn that the Black Eyed Peas stink. The pictures of Fergie peeing her pants on stage would lead me to think that they had a sour, kind of acidic, left-over milk smell. But I was way wrong: they apparently smell like a fat lady shitting out logs. We have no clue what the fat lady ate, but it is solid logs, so I am guessing she did not just run from the border. The Peas drop enough shit to keep toilets clogged and outside of toilets, they drop enough shit to keep the Billboard chart clogged because they were in the number one spot for 17 weeks in a row with 2 different songs. That’s like a third of a year. Holy shit.
How in the hell did this band get so popular? They are willfully stupid, singing about poop and humps and getting retarded. And yet, Corporate America laps it up because the Peas have had sponsorships from 3 Musketeers, Blackberry, Honda, Levi, Candies and Verizon. It’s like each song is a little gem. No, more that, it’s like individual pieces of shit falling out of a fat woman’s ass. The kind that smell like wet dogs.

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