Monday, August 16, 2010

Ridiculous Lyric of the Day 91: Lonesome Loser by The Little River Band

“Have you heard about the lonesome loser? He’s a loser but he keeps on trying.” – The Little River Band, Lonesome Loser

Of course I haven’t heard about the lonesome loser. He’s a dude that keeps to himself and also sucks. Who would voluntarily spend time talking about him? In fact, why is there a whole song about this asshole? It seems like he’s pretty well summed up in one line. “Oh, he’s a loser but he keeps on trying? Sounds awfully tedious. Please sing some more about this unfortunate man.”

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Disgusting Lyric of the Day 90: Sex and Candy by Marcy Playground

“I smell sex and candy here. Who's that lounging in my chair?” Marcy Playground, Sex and Candy

Why does this song always make me picture two Oompa Loompas just going to town on each other while Willy Wonka watches, lounging in a chair and playing with his everlasting gobstopper?

Here is the problem: Sex is amazing. Candy is delicious. Smelling other people’s sex or candy is just upsetting, mainly because you are not the one getting a blow job or a Mr. Goodbar. Also, because smelling someone else’s bodily functions is just nasty. You might as well be sniffing farts and peanut butter.