Disgusting Lyric of the Day 29: Free-For-All by Ted Nugent

“Well, looky here, you sweet young thing, the magic’s in my hands. When in doubt, I whip it out. I got me a rock ‘n roll band; it’s a free-for-all. Ooh, baby, yeah, it’s a free-for-all. Ow! Suck it.” - Ted Nugent, Free-For-All

Rock stars. While this particular lyric typifies the shameless lack of effort many a rock star will put into getting laid, it has a unique quality in that Nugent makes a bald-faced admission of what’s going on. “I got me a rock ‘n roll band.” This would be like Colin Hanks going to an audition and, instead of playing his part, simply saying, “I’m Tom Hanks’s son.” And then pulling his dick out of his pants. Which may be exactly what he does and who’s to say it isn’t the honest thing to do?

Nugent also notes - “when in doubt, I whip it out.” Now, not only does this imply repeat instances of showcasing his penis, but it also implies that this was not a sure thing in his head. And what could have been going through the sweet young thing’s head? Let’s imagine: “How did I end up talking with Ted Nugent? He must see that I’m not attracted to him. Oh my god. Oh my god. He took his dick out of his pants. He’s holding it. Oh god, he just called it his “magic.” I’m going to throw up. Somebody help me. Oh no. Oh... Oh my god. He just told me to suck it. I’m going to cry. Help. Somebody please help.”