“You’ve got to breathe her, really taste her, until you can feel her in your blood. And when you can see your unborn children in her eyes, you know you really love a woman.” – Bryan Adams, Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman
Bryan Adams may be best known as a singer-songwriter who gave up all credibility in the nineties so he could sing songs for really crappy movies about old action heroes. And just like the movies he sang for (Robin Hood, Three Musketeers and Don Juan De Marco), none of these songs are especially well thought of these days. You have to breathe and taste a woman to love her? What in the hell does that mean? What are you breathing and tasting exactly? You know what, Ol’ Craggly Face, I don’t want to picture you putting your mouth on anything. I’ve “tasted” ladies in my day, and they kind of all taste the same: not great. If it was a good taste, they would make “lady” flavored candy. But no wants to taste that if you’re not getting anything else out of it. By far, though, the most disgusting lyric is seeing an unborn child in her eyes. What in the hell? Did you just unload on this woman’s face, dude? Not cool. Not cool at all. Bryan Adams may also be the first man in history to be turned on by the idea of his unborn children. No other man has ever been aroused by the idea of making a baby. Sure, the actual baby-making part is great, but the idea of creating a baby out of that is not that erotic. If you want to get your husband to immediately crawl off of you, just say that you want him to put a baby inside of you. It will stop any sex from happening for days. Trust me.