“I guess nobody ever taught her not to speak with a full mouth. Cause this was it, like flicking on a switch. It felt so good, I almost drove into a ditch,” Nickelback, Animals
Animals is the disgusting story of Chad Kroeger, the Man-Collie of Nickelback, and his attempts at having sex in a car with a teenage girl, both of whom apparently blow. First of all, I can hardly stand to look at Chad Kroger’s face. The very idea, no mater how unlikely, that I could be driving down the road and accidentally see him having sex in the car next to me is enough to make me want to telecommute for the rest of my life. Although, I do wonder if the canary yellow, overly shaggy carpet matches the frizzed out, Lassie’s ass looking drapes?
Anyways, Chad snickers that his girlfriend is trying to talk with her mouth full. Of his penis. Look, Chaddy...first of all, don’t flatter yourself. You’re a gangly blonde Canadian. I am sure there was plenty of left over room in her mouth for talking. Oddly though, the idea of you having a car accident while having a blow job is oddly appealing to me. Probably because there would be penis related trauma that could severely impact your ability to inflict a Chad Kroeger Jr on us in twenty years. But also because it would not only hurt you, but could also hurt people who would willingly have sex with Nickelback, a category of people that need to be eliminated from the planet.