Disgusting Lyrics of the Day 54: Captain Jack by Billy Joel

“Your sister’s gone out, she’s on a date. You just sit at home and masturbate,” Billy Joel, Captain Jack

Some things go good together: Peanut butter and chocolate. Salt and Pepper. Ebony and Ivory (living together in perfect harmony). But Billy Joel and Masturbation go together like bleach and my eyes.

Masturbation is great. In fact, if I’m working at home, I may jerk off like three or four times a day. But hearing Billy Joel talking about spanking it makes me suddenly ashamed to own a penis. Thinking about the Mr. “We Didn’t Start the Fire” playing with his boner may just be the most un-erotic image possible.
I don’t have a sister, but if I did, I sincerely hope that my masturbation habits weren’t tied into her dating habits. Because if she had a date everytime I masturbated when I was high school age, she was probably a gigantic slut.