“I'm telling you now the way we fuck is going to lead to child birthing. Rocking to this guitars about to have me crowd surfing. Kells'll put on a show up until they close curtains. Then right after the show, back stage, your ass hurting.” – R. Kelly, Ludacris, Kid Rock, Rock Star
Welcome to the Holy Triumvirate of STDs, bad liquor and poor choices. R. Kelly and Kid Rock joined forces, somehow tricking Ludacris into teaming with them. I would have to imagine that there is not a ton of overlap in any of their fan bases, meaning that the ideal groupie for this concert would be a 17 year-old blonde trailer park girl with a gigantic ass who also likes a splash of pee with her groupie sex. I am not sure there is any line that is more of a turn off than “the way we fuck is going to lead to child birthing.” It’s almost like a PSA that says, “Hey, you may think you want to hump R. Kelly now, but in nine months, all you’ll have to show for it is a fatherless baby, herpes and pictures of Kid Rock putting his little Joe C. in your mouth while R. Kelly puts his evil inside you from the back.”
But at least, R. Kelly shows at least some concept of science at the beginning of this lyric. Yes, Robert, unprotected sex can lead to the birth of a child. But I have to assume you have been engaging in anal sex, since this girl’s ass hurts, and I am fairly certain you can’t have butt babies.
Showing posts with label Kid Rock. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kid Rock. Show all posts
Friday, March 5, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Disgusting Lyric of the Day 29: Free-For-All by Ted Nugent
“Well, looky here, you sweet young thing, the magic’s in my hands. When in doubt, I whip it out. I got me a rock ‘n roll band; it’s a free-for-all. Ooh, baby, yeah, it’s a free-for-all. Ow! Suck it.” - Ted Nugent, Free-For-All
Rock stars. While this particular lyric typifies the shameless lack of effort many a rock star will put into getting laid, it has a unique quality in that Nugent makes a bald-faced admission of what’s going on. “I got me a rock ‘n roll band.” This would be like Colin Hanks going to an audition and, instead of playing his part, simply saying, “I’m Tom Hanks’s son.” And then pulling his dick out of his pants. Which may be exactly what he does and who’s to say it isn’t the honest thing to do?
Nugent also notes - “when in doubt, I whip it out.” Now, not only does this imply repeat instances of showcasing his penis, but it also implies that this was not a sure thing in his head. And what could have been going through the sweet young thing’s head? Let’s imagine: “How did I end up talking with Ted Nugent? He must see that I’m not attracted to him. Oh my god. Oh my god. He took his dick out of his pants. He’s holding it. Oh god, he just called it his “magic.” I’m going to throw up. Somebody help me. Oh no. Oh... Oh my god. He just told me to suck it. I’m going to cry. Help. Somebody please help.”
Rock stars. While this particular lyric typifies the shameless lack of effort many a rock star will put into getting laid, it has a unique quality in that Nugent makes a bald-faced admission of what’s going on. “I got me a rock ‘n roll band.” This would be like Colin Hanks going to an audition and, instead of playing his part, simply saying, “I’m Tom Hanks’s son.” And then pulling his dick out of his pants. Which may be exactly what he does and who’s to say it isn’t the honest thing to do?
Nugent also notes - “when in doubt, I whip it out.” Now, not only does this imply repeat instances of showcasing his penis, but it also implies that this was not a sure thing in his head. And what could have been going through the sweet young thing’s head? Let’s imagine: “How did I end up talking with Ted Nugent? He must see that I’m not attracted to him. Oh my god. Oh my god. He took his dick out of his pants. He’s holding it. Oh god, he just called it his “magic.” I’m going to throw up. Somebody help me. Oh no. Oh... Oh my god. He just told me to suck it. I’m going to cry. Help. Somebody please help.”
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Disgusting Lyric of the Day 23: American Bad Ass by Kid Rock
Who knew I'd blow up like Oklahoma? Said, “Fuck high school,” pissed on my diploma. Smell the aroma. Check my hits. I know it stinks in here, ‘cause I'm the shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.” Kid Rock, American Bad Ass
The majority of American Bad Ass is just a list of artists that Kid Rock idolized, including The Rolling Stones, Johnny Cash, The Beastie Boys and Run DMC. Oh, and I almost forgot, he also professed his love for Limp Bizkit. Guess whose influence you can hear the most of in Kid Rock’s work? (Hint: It’s the really stupid one.)
Every portion of this song is idiotic. The reference to the Oklahoma Bombing was edited out on MTV and the radio. I’m not sure why. Nothing is more bad ass than an explosion that kills innocent people set by some lunatics with some vague point. Also Bad Ass? Not caring about an education! As dumb and caveman-like as all this crap is, it’s almost passable until Kid Rock says he’s the shit. Look, the phrase is stupid, we’ve all used it, everyone’s guilty. But Kid Rock is the first person to make it feel like literal shit. You can vividly feel every hot, greasy, yellow turd in this thing. And you know that Kid Rock has some nasty shits. The man is like a walking KFC commercial.
The majority of American Bad Ass is just a list of artists that Kid Rock idolized, including The Rolling Stones, Johnny Cash, The Beastie Boys and Run DMC. Oh, and I almost forgot, he also professed his love for Limp Bizkit. Guess whose influence you can hear the most of in Kid Rock’s work? (Hint: It’s the really stupid one.)
Every portion of this song is idiotic. The reference to the Oklahoma Bombing was edited out on MTV and the radio. I’m not sure why. Nothing is more bad ass than an explosion that kills innocent people set by some lunatics with some vague point. Also Bad Ass? Not caring about an education! As dumb and caveman-like as all this crap is, it’s almost passable until Kid Rock says he’s the shit. Look, the phrase is stupid, we’ve all used it, everyone’s guilty. But Kid Rock is the first person to make it feel like literal shit. You can vividly feel every hot, greasy, yellow turd in this thing. And you know that Kid Rock has some nasty shits. The man is like a walking KFC commercial.
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