Disgusting Lyric of the Day 37: Smells Like Funk by the Black Eyed Peas

“You know we was coming before we entered the door, cause you could smell the rhyme when we was walking down the hall. We bring the funk worse then a wet dog. Stinking like fat ladies shitting out logs. We drop enough shit to keep them toilets clogged. Keep the people jumpin' like them bullfrogs.” – The Black Eyed Peas, Smells Like Funk

The Black Eyed Peas were not joking when they said they wanted to get retarded (in here). They may have overshot how dumb they wanted to get though, because these lyrics seem like the kind of thing a fourth-grade-class-clown-who’s been-held-back-two-years might say when he really wants to bring the heat.

I can’t say I’m surprised to learn that the Black Eyed Peas stink. The pictures of Fergie peeing her pants on stage would lead me to think that they had a sour, kind of acidic, left-over milk smell. But I was way wrong: they apparently smell like a fat lady shitting out logs. We have no clue what the fat lady ate, but it is solid logs, so I am guessing she did not just run from the border. The Peas drop enough shit to keep toilets clogged and outside of toilets, they drop enough shit to keep the Billboard chart clogged because they were in the number one spot for 17 weeks in a row with 2 different songs. That’s like a third of a year. Holy shit.
How in the hell did this band get so popular? They are willfully stupid, singing about poop and humps and getting retarded. And yet, Corporate America laps it up because the Peas have had sponsorships from 3 Musketeers, Blackberry, Honda, Levi, Candies and Verizon. It’s like each song is a little gem. No, more that, it’s like individual pieces of shit falling out of a fat woman’s ass. The kind that smell like wet dogs.

Disgusting Lyric of the Day 23: American Bad Ass by Kid Rock

Who knew I'd blow up like Oklahoma? Said, “Fuck high school,” pissed on my diploma. Smell the aroma. Check my hits. I know it stinks in here, ‘cause I'm the shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.” Kid Rock, American Bad Ass

The majority of American Bad Ass is just a list of artists that Kid Rock idolized, including The Rolling Stones, Johnny Cash, The Beastie Boys and Run DMC. Oh, and I almost forgot, he also professed his love for Limp Bizkit. Guess whose influence you can hear the most of in Kid Rock’s work? (Hint: It’s the really stupid one.)

Every portion of this song is idiotic. The reference to the Oklahoma Bombing was edited out on MTV and the radio. I’m not sure why. Nothing is more bad ass than an explosion that kills innocent people set by some lunatics with some vague point. Also Bad Ass? Not caring about an education! As dumb and caveman-like as all this crap is, it’s almost passable until Kid Rock says he’s the shit. Look, the phrase is stupid, we’ve all used it, everyone’s guilty. But Kid Rock is the first person to make it feel like literal shit. You can vividly feel every hot, greasy, yellow turd in this thing. And you know that Kid Rock has some nasty shits. The man is like a walking KFC commercial.

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