Rolling Stone Fridays!!!: Rough Justice

“One time you were my baby chicken, now you've grown into a fox. Once upon a time I was your little rooster, but am I just one of your cocks?” The Rolling Stones, Rough Justice

Mick Jagger was 62 when the song “Rough Justice” came out. I only say that because, Jesus, this song is creepy. Apparently, in this song, Mick was dating a younger girl who undergoes a metamorphosis from sweet young thing to devilish vixen. But you know what, that’s something like a 20 year-old-does. Not something a 36 year-old-does.

So, creepy 60 something Mick is chasing a (much) younger lady. Disgusting enough. But Mick asks her, “Am I just one of your cocks?” God, Jesus, fuck, I hope so. The idea of a 62 year old comparing their half-rigid droopy boner to a bunch of 25-year-old erections is just depressing. No one wants to be the oldest dude at the circle jerk, Mick. Just take your saggy balls and go home.

Disgusting Lyric of the Day 59: My Chick Bad by Ludacris

“Coming down the street like a parade, Macy's, I fill her up balloons.
Test her and guns get drawn like cartoons. D’oh, but I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout Homer. Chick so bad the whole crew wanna bone her.” Ludacris, My Chick Bad

One important question that is often overlooked in selecting a lady friend is: Do my friends really want to bone her? Sure, having your friends and girlfriend getting along is nice, but you really want to make sure that every time you leave the room, your friends are desperate to get into her pants.

But if they don’t want to bang her right away, don’t be discouraged. Just take her to the doctor and have her breasts enlarged to cartoonish, some would say balloon-like, proportions. Really whore her up some.

This advice may not be for everyone, but Spencer Pratt swears by it, and it’s worked pretty well so far.

Disgusting Lyric of the Day 58: Oh, What a Night by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

“You know, I didn't even know her name, but I was never gonna be the same. What a lady. What a night. Oh, I…I got a funny feeling when she walked in the room and I, as I recall it ended much too soon.” – The Four Tops, Oh, What a Night

Welcome to the creepiest song about losing your virginity ever made. The story, as such, finds Frankie Valli seeing a woman walk in a room and getting an uncontrollable boner. He never asks her what her name is and once they have sex, he ejaculates so quickly it is an unsatisfying experience for all involved. Frankie’s right! What a fun night!

Of course, many people have bad or awkward first times. Not everyone sets them to the happiest faux-Motown music that makes it seem like your pathetic and shameful squirtings were actually an amazing life moment.

I came to hate this song when I heard it a Bar Mitzvah. There is nothing creepier than playing a happy song about losing your virginity at your first chance to a room full of horny 13 year old boys who have just been told they are now men. And by the way, in December 1963, Frankie Valli would have been 29. Which also really makes this song twice as hideous.

Disgusting Lyric of the Day 4/20: Marijuana In Your Brain by Lords of Acid

“Marijuana in your brain, takes more time to ejaculate.” – Lords of Acid, Marijuana In Your Brain

There are lots of songs about the pleasures of getting fucked up on weed (by which I mean the entire oeuvre of Snoop Dogg), but people often overlook the medical benefits of getting high. Like, for people who jizz their pants at strip clubs or at the first site of their girlfriend’s boobs, weed just may be necessary.

So, on this momentous day of 4/20, you may want to think about rolling a fat one. Especially if you are a two pump chump.

Disgusting Lyric of the Day 56: Soft by Kings of Leon

“I'd pop myself in your body. I'd come into your party, but I'm soft.” – Kings of Leon, Soft
People confuse romance with sex way too often anymore, but Kings of Leon prove that not every romantic encounter has to end in sex. Especially if you’re too fucked up on alcohol and drugs to achieve a boner.
Nothing makes a lady happier than hearing how much you’d normally want to pop into their body, but you just did too much coke to make the blood flow into your penis. I mean, maybe you could do something else besides sex, right? Who doesn’t want a crazed, shrivel dicked lunatic with salty whiskey sweat dripping off their forehead as he absentmindedly licks all over them? This song is every woman’s dream of a perfect relationship, a guy who can’t have sex with you but still wants to talk about it in incessant and splattery detail.
Oh, and guess what, girls! He’s singing about his erectile dysfunction with his brothers and his cousin, so Boner-free is also a family man!

Rolling Stone Fridays!!!: Let It Bleed

“Yeah, we all need someone we can cream on and if you want to, well you can cream on me…You can cum all over me,” The Rolling Stones, Let It Bleed

Mick Jagger has it all. He’s one of the biggest rock musicians of all time, he’s hooked up with some of the hottest women of the late 20th century and was caught having sex with David Bowie (which is actually way less embarrassing than his turn as a bad guy in the Emilio Esteves thriller “Freejack.”).

But there is one thing that Mick also sidelines in and apparently, that job is being a cum rag. Sure, most people just use a crusty old towel or sock or some Kleenex, but Mick is so giving. If you want to, you can cum all over him.

The image of a cum-drizzled Mick Jagger is pretty nasty, but if it catches on, I’m pretty sure Steven Tyler will appear twice as cum drenched within the next year.

I'm A Monkey! I'm a Man!

I had so much fun with “Start Me Up” last week that I decided a change was in order. I’m changing R. Kelly Fridays into the new and improved Rolling Stones Fridays. The Stones are my favorite band and have plenty of nastiness to draw upon. And R. Kelly, well, it was increasingly becoming like shooting fish in a barrel. We get it, Robert, you are going to fuck someone until they got pregnant. So, I’d like to say, “Bye, Kells. It was fun while it lasted. We may meet again one day.” And, “Hello to Mick, Keith and the boys. I love you so much that I can’t wait to ridicule you.”

Also, I’d like to take a moment to direct you to a worthy cause. My friends at Adult Swim Central are holding a fundraiser from Friday night to Saturday morning for Oral, Head and Neck Cancer. If you have time and can spare a few dollars, please check them out here: http://www.adultswimcentral.com/SwimAgainstCancer/

In the meantime, I highly encourage you to fan the site on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, or even check out my new homepage. And we’re still taking emails here at disgustinglyrics@gmail.com. I have no shame and I will whore it for anyone. Thanks to everyone for reading. I probably would have given up a long time ago without all of your support. Thank you for continuing to read.