R. Kelly Fridays!!!: I'm a Flirt

“Your old lady look at me, ‘cuz you ain’t hitting it right. She probably used to like you ‘cause you the business type. That’s until I came along and put some dick in her life. Wanna see?” – R. Kelly, T.I. & T-Pain, “I’m a Flirt”
R. Kelly is a flirt. He’s also a man that has repeatedly hooked up with underage girls and allegedly pees on them. But he is also a flirt. You won’t believe this, but Kells and I have way different definitions of what being a flirt is. Flirting to most people is maybe a suggestive line, telling a funny story and maybe buying a drink. But in this song, R. has greatly expanded flirting to also include fucking other people’s wives and his girlfriend’s friends. So, unless you want to see what the inside of the local Public Health Clinic looks like, never ever let R. Kelly flirt with you.
Luckily, T.I. has tagged along on this flirting adventure to tell us why it’s so easy to get with your girl. As it turns out, you have been having sex wrong and your girlfriend is in need of dick in her life. Dick, by the way, is the most common thing to find on this planet. If you are a woman and the thing you most need is dick, you have done something horribly wrong, because most guys will just give you dick for free. Even when you don’t want it, they will still want to give it to you. If anything, most people suffer from a dick surplus. Just go to chatroulette. You can see at least 8 dicks within 10 minutes. And if that’s not enough dick, T.I. will happily show you the video he made of him banging your whore girlfriend.

Disgusting Lyric of the Day 18: Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5

“Does it kill? Does it burn? Is it painful to learn that it’s me that has all the control? Does it thrill? Does it sting when you feel what I bring?” - Maroon 5, Harder to Breathe

Somebody has some weiner issues! There’s a lot of questions in this lyric from Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine, and God, I hope there are a lot of multiple answers. Because right now, this thing reads like an ode to the Predator of cocks. Judging from the back half of this thing, it sounds like some skinny kid wants you to know that he’s bringing the thunder between his legs. He’s telling you that he has a giant rod and that you are going to feel it. And oh yeah, it’s going to be thrilling. The first half though, also sounds like some weird penis power trip, but by someone who has no clue about what anyone interested in sex would be into. “Does it kill? Does it burn?” God, I hope not. Killing, burning penises are powerful, but in a so fucking sick who would ever want to hear about kind of way. This thrilling, burning, giant dick is like Godzilla. Sure, it’s thrilling and in charge and some people survive it, but most people in Tokyo would just as soon rather it stayed under the ocean and never reared it’s head in the first place.