Ridiculous Existential Lyric of the Day 76: I Am…I Said by Neil Diamond

‘"I am," I said. To no one there. And no one heard at all, not even the chair,” Neil Diamond, I Am…I Said

So…does the chair usually hear you, Neil? Does it normally say shit back to you? Because if you’re looking for a chair to start hanging on your every thought, you might want to say something more interesting than, “I am.”

If I was a sentient chair stuck in Neil Diamond’s house, I’d probably want to kill myself. Your whole life would be a non-stop swirl of rhinestones rubbed across your face and the scent of Aqua-Net jammed up your nose. Then again, you would get to cradle Neil’s forever-in-blue jeans ass, so I guess there’s a trade off.

Disgusting Lyric of the Day 52: Forever in Blue Jeans by Neil Diamond

“Honey's sweet, but it ain't nothin' next to baby's treat,” Neil Diamond, Forever in Blue Jeans

Neil Diamond thinks his girlfriend’s pussy tastes better than food. Seriously, I have spent half an hour trying to figure out what the hell else he could be talking about. Nothing else makes sense. Hell, the whole damn song doesn’t make sense.

After talking about his girlfriend’s delicious vagina, Neil says, “If you pardon me, I’d like to say, we’d do ok forever in blue jeans.” Sorry, I can’t pardon you for that Neil, because I have no clue what in the fuck you’re talking about. That might be because I still have the image of your sequined blouse on the floor while you lap up some trim. Obviously, the girl takes her jeans off at some point so you can get to her baby treat.

Side note: No one could possibly wear jeans every day. In the summer, I like to wear shorts so my balls can get a sense of the breeze. Just thinking about wearing jeans to the San Diego Comic Con has made my sack turn to Silly Puddy.