“She was more than beautiful, closer to ethereal. With a kind of down to earth flavor.” The Rolling Stones, Anybody Seen My Baby?
Welcome to the phoning it in era of the Rolling Stones. Look, this girl is two opposites: “Down to Earth” and “Ethereal!” Is she also a blonde with a kind of brunette look? Brainy with a kind of casual dumb? Leggy but with amazing boobs? I guess it’s only fitting that Mick would be into a woman that can be described as opposites since The Rolling Stones could have two opposites thrown at them too: “Legendary Musicians” and “Lots of Shitty Songs too.”
Let’s be honest: this song, as well as most of the album Bridges to Babylon, is about 8 shades of embarrassing. As much as I love the Stones, I don’t think anyone can justify Biz Markie rapping on top of a song that was lifted from k.d. lang’s “Constant Craving.” Of course, a very young Angelina Jolie is in the video and Biz isn’t, so maybe the Stones weren’t completely creatively bankrupt.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Ridiculous Lyric of the Day 84: Get It On (Bang a Gong) by T. Rex
“Well, you're built like a car, you've got a hub cap diamond star halo. You're built like a car, oh yeah. Well you're an untamed youth, that's the truth, with your cloak full of eagles. You’re dirty sweet and you’re my girl.” – T. Rex – Get It On (Bang a Gong)
Aside from all the drugged out ramblings of a mad man (what in the hell was Marc Bolan on where his girlfriend appeared to be wearing a jacket full of endangered wildlife?), nothing makes a woman feel hotter than when you compare her to a heavy ass hunk of metal. “Hey, baby. I like the way you can accommodate several men at once, just like my car. Now put this cloak full of screeching birds on and hop inside of yourself.”
Aside from all the drugged out ramblings of a mad man (what in the hell was Marc Bolan on where his girlfriend appeared to be wearing a jacket full of endangered wildlife?), nothing makes a woman feel hotter than when you compare her to a heavy ass hunk of metal. “Hey, baby. I like the way you can accommodate several men at once, just like my car. Now put this cloak full of screeching birds on and hop inside of yourself.”
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Ridiculous Threat Lyric of the Day 83: Laura by The Scissor Sisters
“This will be the last time I ever do your hair.” Scissor Sisters, Laura
Threatening someone that this is the last time you’ll do their hair is somewhere on par with threatening someone that this is the last time you’ll ever do their dishes. OK. Great. Someone else will do it. Or it won’t get done. Who gives a shit? No lines no waiting at Supercutz, bitch.
Threatening someone that this is the last time you’ll do their hair is somewhere on par with threatening someone that this is the last time you’ll ever do their dishes. OK. Great. Someone else will do it. Or it won’t get done. Who gives a shit? No lines no waiting at Supercutz, bitch.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Ridiculous Rhyme That Doesn't Make Sense 82: Play Something Sweet (Brickyard Blues) by Three Dog Night
“Play somethin' sweet, play somethin' mellow. Play somethin' I can sink my teeth in like Jello. Play something I can understand. Play me some Brickyard Blues,” Three Dog Night, Play Something Sweet (Brickyard Blues)
Three Dog Night is bringing the funk tonight, so play a groove that is thick as hell, like a dessert that is mostly made up of congealed water. Frozen yogurt has a thicker consistency than jello. Hell, thinking about sinking my teeth into jello actually makes my teeth hurt because all I can think about is biting the spoon. This lyric is the dumbest thing Three Dog Night did since the time lead singer Chuck Negron ignored his doctor’s advice and ended up making his penis explode.
Three Dog Night is bringing the funk tonight, so play a groove that is thick as hell, like a dessert that is mostly made up of congealed water. Frozen yogurt has a thicker consistency than jello. Hell, thinking about sinking my teeth into jello actually makes my teeth hurt because all I can think about is biting the spoon. This lyric is the dumbest thing Three Dog Night did since the time lead singer Chuck Negron ignored his doctor’s advice and ended up making his penis explode.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Ridiculous Lyric I Heard From a Friend (Who Heard It From A Friend) 81: I Can't Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon
“And I can’t fight this feeling anymore. I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for. It’s time to bring this ship into the shore and throw away the oars forever.” REO Speedwagon, I Can’t Fight this Feeling
Nice job at making your boat absolutely fucking useless, REO Speedwagon. I’ve been in that situation before and trust me, don’t ever throw away the oars. You just might start to remember why you were fighting that feeling in the first place.
Nice job at making your boat absolutely fucking useless, REO Speedwagon. I’ve been in that situation before and trust me, don’t ever throw away the oars. You just might start to remember why you were fighting that feeling in the first place.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Rolling Stones Fridays!!!: Oh No, Not You Again
“Everybody's talking, showing off their wits. The moon is yellow but I'm like jello staring down your tits.” The Rolling Stones, Oh No, Not You Again
I hate it when gelatin desserts stare at my private parts.
Honestly, Mick, it is not helping your image as being old as shit when you compare your self to a dessert that only kids and old people without teeth are really excited about getting.
I hate it when gelatin desserts stare at my private parts.
Honestly, Mick, it is not helping your image as being old as shit when you compare your self to a dessert that only kids and old people without teeth are really excited about getting.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Ridiculous Glee Cover Lyric of the Day 79: Poker Face by Lady Gaga
“I won’t tell you that I love you, kiss or hug you, ‘cause I’m bluffin’ with my muffin. I’m not lying, I’m just stunning with my love-glue-gunning.” Lady Gaga, Poker Face
I won’t say that I know for a fact what Lady Gaga is talking about, but love-glue has got to be about semen, right? Which makes me sad for Gaga. The last time I got glue from a glue gun all over my hands, blood blistered up immediately and made a sticky, bloody mess. If that’s what getting hit with ejaculate is like for her, sex has got to be a living hell.
When Rolling Stone asked Gaga about this specific lyric, Gaga said, "Obviously, it's my pussy's poker face!” I am not sure how you can tell when a vagina has a poker face or not. They are usually pretty inscrutable, as far as body parts go. Although, I once did meet a vagina that was holding a pair of pocket nines.
I won’t say that I know for a fact what Lady Gaga is talking about, but love-glue has got to be about semen, right? Which makes me sad for Gaga. The last time I got glue from a glue gun all over my hands, blood blistered up immediately and made a sticky, bloody mess. If that’s what getting hit with ejaculate is like for her, sex has got to be a living hell.
When Rolling Stone asked Gaga about this specific lyric, Gaga said, "Obviously, it's my pussy's poker face!” I am not sure how you can tell when a vagina has a poker face or not. They are usually pretty inscrutable, as far as body parts go. Although, I once did meet a vagina that was holding a pair of pocket nines.
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